Now What would Santa Do?

There is one thing; no! Two things that will be happening in three days time. Christmas will be coming around the corner and Santa will be doing the same thing in the wee hours of Christmas morning.

I was asked if I would be writing anything to go with the flow of the season and frankly I wasn't going to write anything. I just wanted to take a break and resume sometime in January. Clearly not. Here I am punching up the keyboard. Not that I am snowed in by the nasty weather that has hit the east coast, I was in a position where my thought processes have been taken attracted to the idea of what Santa has to go through to get gifts distributed to little ones all over the world.

It got me thinking, how did he do it back in the day? It doesn't seem right today that we find it next to impossible to get around without the help of some third party gadget or service out there. Back in Kenya it is quite interesting how even though our homes have addresses that identify where one would humbly dwell it is practically impossible for a stranger to the neighborhood to make their way to your home.

The problem is really not the actual house in which one lives its the instructions in getting there. The thing is lots of roads are not labeled properly and even where they are labeled, the locals just don't bother to take note of those details. It is quite normal to find instructions that go a little something like this...

“Follow the road for about 200 meters, round the bend you will see a huge tree on the left below which there is a shoe shiner doing his thing. Make a left and keep going on the dusty road until you reach the blue kiosk. Make a right and keep going until you find a building under construction follow that road until the end. Once you get there ask for bwana Steve's home and you will be shown the house”

You see what am talking about? You see the problem here? Okay maybe you say Santa will be able to follow these directions pretty well but I beg to differ. He is busy Ho-Ho-Ho-ing in some ungodly hours of the night. Who is he going to ask for the location of bwana Steve's home?

Anyway seeing I am an IT guy, you bet I have an alternative. Not a shiny alternative but its great and covers a lot of areas on earth and growing.

Just thinking about Santa using these Map Direction services give me a pounding headache. I love the response on Cloud Made's maps as far as finding ones way around Nairobi. Unfortunately it comes with one shortcoming that gets to be a pain. To get directions for two points one has to actually know where they are. Which means take up your mouse, right click on the point you'd like to start off and mark it. Go to the end point and do the same thing.



Okay, that doesn't fly with me 'cause honestly when you are on the road and you plot in an address, in most cases you don't have a clue where the address is in the first place so why do they expect guys to go in and mark a place which you have no idea where it is. I am still trying to figure that one out. Aside from that I have to say the map is pretty accurate in that it correctly determines the road and even keeps you on the right side of the road. I mean left side.

Speaking of accuracy I think Google maps in Kenya needs a lot of work. I tried to confirm its understanding of Kenya addresses and it got it all wrong. I had typed in a location and it started me off about 4 Km away from where I expected it to be.



So with this I still think Santa has got his work cut out for him back home in Kenya, or does he? Maybe. Just maybe he has some device we guys back on earth are yet to invent. Some GPS locator that works without the “Keep to the right lane or turn right ahead... and my favorite, recalculating...”. So honestly, Santa doesn't need a “toll” or find alternative. He rides on a sledge towed by a bunch of reindeer that run into layers where turbulence rules supreme. The air; for those who don't understand.

So that leaves just air traffic to avoid. Speaking of which, it would make more sense if Santa now gets some guidance courtesy of air traffic controllers. Whichever way you look at it; Santa will be coming down the chimney this season so hang in there all kids and Merry Christmas to you all.

Oh! How I Missed Home (Part 2)

I don't know about others but i'd say winter is practically here with us. How'd I know so? Well for starters I’m trying to get this blog under way but all I keep doing is running back and forth to the washroom to blow out my nose.

Okay doesn’t go to say that back home, a running nose is unheard of, actually quite contrary. In Kenya we get a lot of it. I would say its mostly caused by dust. Yes; dust. I used have frequent trips down to the coastal city of Mombasa, Malindi and generally right up and down the coast of Kenya.

There was a time there was lots of constraction going on along the highway that connects Nairobi and Mombasa.

This wasn’t the ordinary kind of constration. Well in most senses it was but there was one peculiar thing about part of the route this road took.

A section around Athi River town known for its production of cement had deposits of fine white dust that got into one’s everything and at first it seemed like just another day crossing the African plains only to be hit with the consequences a couple of days later.

Just a thought. Isn’t cement supposed to harden when wet? Just a thought. Okay then why does it draw out all reseves of mucus when it goes into the nose. I wonder.

So anyway. The trip to the coast by bus could be described as a task rather than a journey. I am even thinking of developing a strategy game based on the same experiences. I will just mention a little bit about that down the line.

It all starts out at South C in Nairobi. Expected time of departure is 9:30 am and Expected time of arrival; 5:30 pm. Actual Time of arrival: Too forbidden to mention here.

Well you know its going to be a different day when the first thing you notice is that the bus is conveniently late and at that you begin to panic unnecessarily.

Here is the thing. Before it appears at the bus stop it starts out in Downtown Nairobi, picks up a few people and then hops on to South C to pick up the rest and at that point the bus is good to be on its way.

Clearly you begin to wonder whether you actually missed the bus and you keep going back to the loaders and ticket checkers to make sure that they are sure you aint missed your bus.

With more reliability than an old klunker the bus finally comes and we are on our way. I’d say the first twenty to thirty minutes of the ride is quite pleasant and one would be fooled that this is going to be the case until you get down to the coast.

Mlolongo is the place, the first huddle of the ride. Mlolongo basically means queue in swahili. In short it’s a badly planned and developed truck-stop. Well originally it wasn’t supposed to be a truck-stop but rather it was a weigh bridge for big rigs and all. So what would happen is, these 18 wheelers would back up for miles as they wait to get onto the weight bridge and so undesired forces turned it into an unintended truck-stop and to this day that is what it is.

What makes this place a nightmare is the fact that it has turned out to be basically the place the many construction areas begin. So what happens here is that traffic is diverted out onto some make shift road which can barely hold up to the wind let alone rain or even the weight of cars and tracks trying to get a grip on the loose dirt.

This is a place where you now get all sorts of noises produced by the bus and you wonder whether you going to end up with half a bus in the next half hour or so or if its all going to hold together. So its pretty scary at this point.

Did I hear sleeping? Forget it. Unless you had a shot of vodka or something close to that then there is no way you will get through this passively.

So anyway! With a bit of ambition and a will to survive we all hold on to our dear lives; I mean dear bus, or better still, both and finally get through that section and the one I mentioned earlier on at Athi River.

Well for the next normally three hour journey which is turned into a five hour nightmare low tonned curses can be heard emanating from all corners of the bus. This is because these diversions are at intervals of 10km and go for 20km. Yes I did get to measure the length. 20km per shake session it is.

Anyway, yeah. Just when you have gotten used to the rough patches you get hit with a worse nightmare. Just around Emali to lets say Sultan Hamud, by the way which is another track-stop.

Here you have to contend with deep muddy trenches. That can gobble up the biggest of buses. I once heard they found a ‘69 ford under there. Wonder what they did with it.

It’s common to find locals of this area making a quick buck pushing anything and everything out of the way. I think there is more to it that just lending a good samaritan hand. For starters, it makes good business sense in that the quicker they clear out the stuck car, it creates room for another unsuspecting victim to get sunk into the same mud hole. The more vehicles that get stuck, the more money that’s made.

Once past all that drama then the next thing is Mtito Andei. This is another truck-stop that usually doubles as the mid-way point of the route. So its good to say this is a great location to hang out for a meal or two as the bus crew and passengers take a break.

There is a lot going on here from greasy Samosas and Mandazis. To hard boiled eggs. When I say hard boild I mean that in a literal sense.

Then there is last evenings chicken or so it seems. Roast beef and mutton is at hand, sodas that have been on display in direct sunlight. Okay maybe we can live with Warm; rather hot sodas. But chocolates are subject to the same conditions and that’s just not right at all.

So after a refreshing half hour rest we go on our way until about 100 meters out the driver is forced to stop as a lady has been left behind. I wonder to myself. Why is there a lady always left behind? Scratch that.

Moving on. The next hour see’s the route snake through or rather in between Tsavo East and Tsavo West National Parks. Don’t get excited. You are highly unlikely to see and wildlife. Its probably like they know one has got to pay to see these animals and they are determined to keep it that way so they hang out miles and miles away from the road.

For the next and last two hours of the ride, the road is pretty pleasant and this is the time to take advantage and enjoy whats left of the ride. Yes, you will be a couple of hours late but you know what they say… “There is no hurry in Africa”.

As you keep snaking you way down to the ocean side you would know you are getting close when you suddenly feel like sweating profusely. The humidity will get to you but is has some kind of way of drawing one to the beaches which is after all, the intended goal of the trip any way.

Anyway not too bad a journey and for sure I long to be back in the white sandy beaches of Kenya sooner rather later. Maybe next year, God willing.

Oh! How I Missed Home (Part 1)

Its now been almost a month since I left home for an extremely long trip abroad. I know there are lots of people out there who would make my mere one month a non starter as far as traveling is concerned.

Anyway its not unusual for the most normal person to miss home at any one time while away from home for even a short a time as a weekend. This is my story so am going to rule it the way I want. I feel one month is a long time and my word is law. With that I miss home in various ways; however I feel like addressing the differences in the way things are down back home as opposed to how things are done out in the west.

Before I left home the Kenya government officials where on and blabbering about how they are well prepared for the onset of the annual short rains usually slated for October and November each year. Though of course we all don't seem to be able to figure out the weather any longer. I propose we all blame it on global warming.

For me there was grave concern as this year we as a country have been experiencing a stretched period of drought and to the bewilderment of those affected, this years rains are expected to come in the form of massive floods and unending showers commonly known as El-Nino.

Normally other Nations would not take this situation lightly. Okay let's not even look at a Nation as a whole. Personally I would not be comfortable with the impending weather patterns. Here is the reason. If you have long periods going months or years on end without rain in the land which is barely covered with vegetation and whatever is left is eaten down to its roots by livestock; you would be worried. I certainly am.

So anyway; this leaves the top soil all loose and vulnerable to the elements which means when the rain comes down with a vengeance then it ends up washing all the good and fertile soil away.

Okay, let's be frank and realize that's a bit of a mouthful to handle, I will drop it and go on to the rest of my story. I remember how back home after a long day's work; getting home to relax and watch what's on the daily news reel and standing there on screen is the government's spokesman mumbling about how the government is in a good position because:

• It is monitoring the situation closely – Oh Lord!
• All arms of the government are on high alert – Ouch!
• They have mobilized resources to handle the onslaught of the rain – Huh?
• They have consulted with all the stake holders on the next cause of action to take – Yeah, yeah!

The list could go on and on but these statements not surprisingly appear to be generic enough and actually work for any crisis the government of Kenya is face with. It's like our government lives on those words as a staple.

It is interesting how our lives are in the hands of people who are not pro-active at all. I say this because by the time the calamity strikes its the same old problem of the private sector doing the bulk of the damage repair as government and politicians in general and the press too get involved in the blame game and using that as an opportunity to campaign for the country's next elections. By the way which is in 2012. Why does that number sound so familiar? Oh yeah! It happens to be some movie with destruction... you get the picture.

Yeah so as I was saying, it's so not interesting how the government handles every disaster in one blanket solution (Remember the statements above?), then the disaster shows its ugly face. All hell visits Kenya.

After the destruction moves on the neighboring country (depending on the disaster) the private sector and Civil societies are left to pick up the pieces while the government turns the event into a spectacle and a grand opportunity to campaign.

To add insult to injury. While all this is going on a delegation is flown to some European country to go beg for financial and food aid to help the country rise out of the situation it has found it's self in due to no fault of our own.

That is the way we do it back home in Kenya. The good news is, I still love my country.

Next; stay tuned for more reasons why I miss home (Part 2). This could get interesting.

Your Comfort at 32,000 Feet

This may sound like yet another opportunity to give away free publicity and be biased toward a particular airline over others. Heck! Or maybe, an advertising opportunity here. Well, first I start off with assurances that this is not the case. Besides, this blog of mine would make me be sure that I wouldn't agree with that entirely as am compelled to give my strict opinions as that is my intention on this blog (I stress), to be just me and point out whats in my heart.

For those who know me pretty well, will testify that I can take time out a lot of the time to just sit back and reflect on what I have observed from what is happening around me.

So this evening I feel compelled to write about some observations I have made on a couple of the many airlines I have been privileged to fly with. At this point I wouldn't think it fair to make note of what nature throws at these elephants in the sky as that would be just plain cold and so totally out of line.

I mean; who can take care of flights' uncomforties (wish there was such a word) such as turbulence or the G forces experienced during take off.

Anyway, so lets get into the cabin and look at other stuff that separates “The” airlines from “other” airlines. Yeah! You guessed it right. The entertainment in the form of be it movies, food and drink. I have heard a lot of people mention how airline food sucks and worst still, how airline entertainment really sucks. But, to think of it what does one exactly mean airline entertainment?

Take a movie like the new X-men movie... origins or is it something like. Anyway, yes I think we can work with that one. Well, as far as I am concerned X-men on DVD in the theaters or in the airline actually happens to be the same movie. Honestly? I have really tried to think hard about what the difference is and it simply boils down to one thing. The surrounding environment.

Now that we have established that fact, we can safely take the mode of entertainment and food... and drinks out of the equation. So lets now deal with the surrounding environment. The airplane could fall into that category but again I wouldn't want to dwell on that one too reason being that the two airlines I am referring to both have the Boeing 777 seeing its the airline model I have envisioned in my mind.

So far we have variables that seem to balance out on all sides so am still digging in to look for what makes the real difference. That now would bring us to the next level in our search and at this point I would be tempted to look at the on-board staff popularly known as cabin crew.

There must be a lot to mention here. True, so true there is a lot of stuff I could mention at this point. Cabin crew! Thats a gold mine and a half, but that's for another day.

As I take this opportunity to fast forward it now brings us to this last point. Timing. Yes I said it; Timing. Here is what I mean working with Nairobi Time Zone GMT +3 we will examine two routes out of nairobi with a final destination of Washington, DC.

Here is the first scenario. Using KLM as our case study, here is the flight schedule for that flight.

Nairobi (10:50PM) – Amsterdam (5:00PM) 8hrs

Amsterdam (10:00AM) – Washington (2:00PM) 9hrs

The figures above are approximate but they are roughly accurate so please no comments to correct me on them as I wont change them.

Assuming Jack resides in Nairobi, sleeps at around 11PM on normal days, wakes up at 6AM still on normal days. He for some reason has to take the flight described above. Knowing flights to USA, he is already doomed to be subjected to the grueling security procedures for starters. By the time he is now on board the airplane he is already tired and somewhat frustrated and all he can think of is getting some much needed rest and most of all relaxation.

Now would not be the time for him to think about the possibility of his baggage being mishandled but he just needs to relax possibly to the level of getting a good nights sleep. After all it is his bed time isn't it?

Now just as the his brain is down 50% into switching off vital functions of the body by putting some of the organs to sleep, its time to serve up dinner. Helloo! I guess the digestive system is out for the night and now Jack has been forced to force the food down his throat past taste buds that are now malfunctioning and into a stomach that long drained its digestive juices.

As this is trying to happen, Jack remembers how much he coughed up just to have this ticket so he figured there is a portion that has taken care of watching a couple of movies before he gets to his destination. So now his brain already half out has to try so hard to process the information from the LCD screens and its all now a mess. At this point Jack is at the equivalent of running a mile in under a minute. Not a place you want to be in.

By the time the plane gets to Amsterdam its been a long sleepless night with partially digested food running down the digestive system and rushing well ahead of time for the finish line. So the four hours Jack has to linger around the airport as he waits for his connecting flight is doomed once again to the best period of drama he has had in a long time.

As though as an eternity the time finally comes when he can finish the last leg of the flight and its another eight hours of madness part two as his body has not rested a wink . By the time he gets to his final stop he has gotten there all beat up and swears never to fly again.. we all know he will be back.

So speaking of flying once again Jack out character is forced to fly the same route yet again and this time he goes for a different option. Qatar Airlines. Lets see what the Arab airline has to offer.

Nairobi (3:00PM) – Doha (8:00PM) 8hrs

Doha (9:00AM) – Washington (4:00PM) 9hrs

Before you go ahead and notice the 13 hour layover I would urge you to keep reading as it will all become clear. Jack this time around goes on board again from Nairobi at 3pm in the afternoon. Seeing he was at the baggage drop off 3 hours before that then he has found himself just in the right place to enjoy just about any kind of meal seeing it would be about 4pm when he is served up with lunch on top of his last meal which was probably early in the morning.

The same would happen with the entertainment. At this time of day the mind being totally alert Jack has found he is not struggling to enjoy the on-board entertainment. The same goes for later that evening when he lands in Doha and is whisked away to a 5 or 4 star hotel to get the much needed hot bath or shower, a buffet spread for dinner, lovely night's sleep and a hearty breakfast the next morning.

By the time Jack gets on-board on his connecting flight its morning yet again and he is as fresh as ever to embark on the next leg of the journey. Even though its another fifteen hours or so, Jack is as alert as ever and is now ready to enjoy more on-board meals and in-flight entertainment the flight has to offer.

The point of all this is quite simple. I believe for you to make the most of your flights if possible try and fly during the day... at the time you would normally be most alert as per your local time.